Blessings in Disguise

Like many the past year was difficult for me:  Sickness and death of loved ones. Distance from those loved ones limited the comfort I could give.  Isolation. Not enough hours at work leading to two jobs, some unfortunate credit debt, and the accompanying feelings of shame, disappointment, and uncertainty. As the year unraveled, it zapped my creative well.  Some things can’t be fixed (and maybe here should be another post). But the last strife could be mended. In theory, the solution appeared simple: 
Reduce expenses
A clear order. I proceeded to cancel unnecessary subscriptions, changed my wireless provider, and got very imaginative with my budget.  Still the biggest way to save was glaringly obvious: cut down rent. Affordable housing is a real thing.  So finding a solid and compatible roommate would be relatively easy, right?  Wrong; that task became gargantuan when set into motion. Many people showed genuine interest but didn’t meet criteria. Even still, multiple applicants seemed amenable. But then each stalled, with a few bailing at the last minute. Self-doubt arose; I’m reconsidering this course.

Blessings in Disguise

After the third person texted to notify me of the change in her decision, I had one client left in my workday. Yet all I could feel was the heat behind my eyes as they welled-up with water. Fortunately, there was a short break in my schedule. It was just enough time to call someone who could help me choke back my tears.  Like most, I called my mom.  She graciously heard my tale of woe before recanting – for the trillionth time – what must be her motto “Blessings come in disguise.” And like many mothers, she then proceeded to list every reason why the disappointment might turn into a good life pivot.

There’s a lot of true in her approach; we never know what’s ahead. Too often we fail to imagine the tragedy we evaded.  Instead, we focus on the immediate dissatisfaction. We focus on life not unfolding as had wished.  Perhaps that is where faith steps into the frame…faith that God sees you, has your best interest at heart, and can turn all things around for the good of all.  With these thoughts in mind I elected to meditate that evening.  Only too aptly did I find Michael MackIntosh’s meditation “Overcoming disappointment and finding the secret benefit.”  In his guided meditation he refers to disappointment as a seed planted, one that grows into a vibrant and massive tree (perhaps a mustard tree). What an encouraging metaphor! To plant something so small that renders something so massive and vital is a dream.

The Little Things

Too frequently, I am snared by the disappointments. They overshadow the little positive gems of my life. I forget to be grateful; I find it hard to be grateful despite gratitude being the door through which all new aspects enter life.  Perhaps then gratitude must be my focus. And so, it shall. For the next several weeks my vow is to write on one aspect of my life for which I am grateful. With this, may the disguise dissolve to review its true blessing.